v o i d

this is the worst ramadhan in my entire existence.
the worst of all,
i couldnt agree more.
though i still cant compare mine to the people who suffer more ((like syrian refugees)),
but still,
for me, this is my worst ramadhan month,
ever.

i am not trying to blame the holy month,
it was sacred, as always it is.
but not for myself.
at some point i turned and started hating myself.
i couldnt stop but, well, here i am.
i am not hating my physical appearance,
i love my body, my looks,
but what i hate the most is my cruel mind,
my unforgiving thoughts,
my denial,
my laziness,
and all of my bad habits that i keep during this month.
wasting every seconds until i realized that i couldnt take it back.

idk what i blabbered about just now,
i just feel an empty void in this month.
like i lost myself,
for real.
and suddenly today is eid day.

i couldnt rewind the time,
and i feel so empty inside.

-lacuptea