rooché fooche

yang sering kita lupa adalah memperbesar rasa syukur yang akan melapangkan dada kita sering kali kita lupa

one day, i was sitting on my bed, after having a surgery (and still recovering though) i wonder, why should i encounter with so much pain in my life. then my mum came to my room and sitting in the edge of my bed. we just looked each other, deep thoughts, no one started to talk. then i laughed so hard, my mum started to laugh too. i laughed until my visions blurred, i cried. cried so hard. i laughed, and cried, at the same time. i couldnt manage myself to laugh or to cry. and my mum started to pat my head. ... "because God loves you, so He makes you suffer through all this pain, so you know how to be stronger from time to time" i love you, mum really, please dont be sick, please always be happy, happy birthday to you  -lacuptea

this is the worst ramadhan in my entire existence. the worst of all, i couldnt agree more. though i still cant compare mine to the people who suffer more ((like syrian refugees)), but still, for me, this is my worst ramadhan month, ever. i am not trying to blame the holy month, it was sacred, as always it is. but not for myself. at some point i turned and started hating myself. i couldnt stop but, well, here i am. i am not hating my physical appearance, i love my body, my looks, but what i hate the most is my cruel mind, my unforgiving thoughts, my denial, my laziness, and all of my bad habits that i keep during this month. wasting every seconds until i realized that i couldnt take it back. idk what i blabbered about just now, i just feel an empty void in this month. like i lost myself, for real. and suddenly today is eid day. i couldnt rewind the time, and i feel so empty inside. -lacuptea